Blessings.....

I have always loved the song Blessings by Laura Story and had a real connection to it, but it never touched me as much as it did today. Read these lyrics and think about them.

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can't satisfy?

And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?

See last night I received an email while I was out of town at meetings. It was from Tina at the adoption agency and said that the little girl we had talked about on Friday was now available and did we want her to lock the file for us. As soon as I noticed the email I started shaking and tried to text Jason who was at a meeting at the fire department. This was the little girl whose picture stole our hearts and we couldn't even think about any of the other girls after we saw her. We thought about her all weekend and wondered if she would be our daughter. I received a text back from Jason asking if I had said yes. That was all it took from him for me to know that I needed to contact Tina instantly and let her know we did want the file locked. As I started typing buttons my cell phone died! Now remember I was out of town at meetings and I happened to be at the mall trying to look for a couple of things we needed. I ran to my car, drove to Best Buy as fast as could and went in to buy a cell phone charger. My office had just recently replaced my BlackBerry and I hadn't taken the time to buy a car charger. I ran back to my car and plugged in my phone. It took a little while for my phone to get enough charge to come back on and be able to reply to Tina's email. I typed as fast as I could, "Yes, please lock her file." I then called Jason and told him that the file should be locked. We talked for a while and after we hung up I checked my email again to see if I heard anything back from Tina. As I read her reply my heart sank. "I'm so sorry but she is already gone." I couldn't help but think, "If my phone wouldn't have died I would have a daughter." I know there are thousands of other little girls out there that needs a mommy and daddy so I'm moving on, but it was a very difficult evening. I went from extreme excitement to one of the biggest let downs that I've ever felt in just a matter of about 30 minutes! I was in too much shock that I didn't even cry. I called Jason back and said, "She's already gone. Somebody got to her before us." That was about it to our conversation. I went back to the hotel, went to bed and then got up for my meetings like nothing had happened.

Then, as I was driving home from my meetings today Laura Story's song Blessings came on. The tears finally came. I was mourning the daughter that I thought God had for me, but I also realized that this disappointment must really be a blessing from God. He knows who my daughter is and he will match us with her at the perfect time. We just have to trust Him and His timing. This was one of God's mercies in disguise. We are going to be ok so don't worry about us. These trials are what teaches us to trust God. Please continue to pray for us in this process as we experience God's blessings whether they come through sleepless nights, tears or great joy and excitement! Our daughter is out there and we will find her.