Blessings.....

I have always loved the song Blessings by Laura Story and had a real connection to it, but it never touched me as much as it did today. Read these lyrics and think about them.

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can't satisfy?

And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?

See last night I received an email while I was out of town at meetings. It was from Tina at the adoption agency and said that the little girl we had talked about on Friday was now available and did we want her to lock the file for us. As soon as I noticed the email I started shaking and tried to text Jason who was at a meeting at the fire department. This was the little girl whose picture stole our hearts and we couldn't even think about any of the other girls after we saw her. We thought about her all weekend and wondered if she would be our daughter. I received a text back from Jason asking if I had said yes. That was all it took from him for me to know that I needed to contact Tina instantly and let her know we did want the file locked. As I started typing buttons my cell phone died! Now remember I was out of town at meetings and I happened to be at the mall trying to look for a couple of things we needed. I ran to my car, drove to Best Buy as fast as could and went in to buy a cell phone charger. My office had just recently replaced my BlackBerry and I hadn't taken the time to buy a car charger. I ran back to my car and plugged in my phone. It took a little while for my phone to get enough charge to come back on and be able to reply to Tina's email. I typed as fast as I could, "Yes, please lock her file." I then called Jason and told him that the file should be locked. We talked for a while and after we hung up I checked my email again to see if I heard anything back from Tina. As I read her reply my heart sank. "I'm so sorry but she is already gone." I couldn't help but think, "If my phone wouldn't have died I would have a daughter." I know there are thousands of other little girls out there that needs a mommy and daddy so I'm moving on, but it was a very difficult evening. I went from extreme excitement to one of the biggest let downs that I've ever felt in just a matter of about 30 minutes! I was in too much shock that I didn't even cry. I called Jason back and said, "She's already gone. Somebody got to her before us." That was about it to our conversation. I went back to the hotel, went to bed and then got up for my meetings like nothing had happened.

Then, as I was driving home from my meetings today Laura Story's song Blessings came on. The tears finally came. I was mourning the daughter that I thought God had for me, but I also realized that this disappointment must really be a blessing from God. He knows who my daughter is and he will match us with her at the perfect time. We just have to trust Him and His timing. This was one of God's mercies in disguise. We are going to be ok so don't worry about us. These trials are what teaches us to trust God. Please continue to pray for us in this process as we experience God's blessings whether they come through sleepless nights, tears or great joy and excitement! Our daughter is out there and we will find her.

Another Step Closer.......

Well, it has been an exciting couple of weeks. A week ago Friday we finally had our appointment in Lubbock with the USCIS to get our fingerprints done. We left on Thursday as soon as we got off work and made the 4 hour drive to Lubbock. After we checked into our hotel we drove to make sure we knew where the USCIS office was so that we wouldn't be late to our 8 am and 9 am appoitnments. (Jason's appointment was first) We arrived Friday morning around 7:45. The second they opened the door (about 7:50) we hurried to get there before all the other people waiting. We didn't run or push or anything rude like that but I didn't want to wait all morning either. I made sure to let them know that my appointment wasn't till 9 but my husband's was 8 so I came with him. They said that was ok and sent us straight to the first desk! We were fingerprinted and on our way by 8:15. So what do we do next.......start the 4 hour drive back to Perryton! We did stop in Amarillo to get Karter's Christmas gifts and eat a good lunch but then we went on home to be with Karter.

Then, just yesterday, we had the opportunity to look at the waiting child listing for the first time. It was really a difficult thing for me. We looked at just girls in the age range of 1-3. We saw about 75 girls that need a forever mommy and daddy. It's really hard to see all of them and try to pick which child you want. It just felt strange and maybe a little wrong to "shop" for a child. I struggled with my feelings during this process, but Jason and I were both drawn to and fell in love with one little girl. At this point we have no idea if we will get her or not, but our Agency is trying to help us put a "hold" on her. See we haven't actually submitted our dossier to our Agency yet because we were waiting on approval from Homeland Security who has to process our application and fingerprints.

Now for some very exciting news! We received our USCIS approval TODAY! Yes, just 1 week after being fingerprinted we received a letter from Homeland Security saying we are approved to adopt up to two children from China! Woo Hoo!! I didn't believe that we would get something like this so quickly! I have to go to Amarillo on Monday and Tuesday for some business meetings so I will leave a little early and hand deliver the approval notice to our Ageny! It's starting to feel more and more real! I'm going to be a mommy to a beatiful Chinese princess! Now I think it's go time on getting her room done. The bed is already made, but we bought new turquoise paint for the walls and hot pink curtains to hang over the windows. Also my mother-in-law is making valances with ladybug fabric to hang over the pink curtains! I just can't wait to know for sure who will be our Kayman Janessa!